1. THE ONE WHO TRIES TO IMPRESS YOU.
They flip cups in the air, prattle to you about crema, and offer drinks that aren’t on the menu. That latté art is going to look sweet on your Insta though.
2. The one who’s had too much coffee.
You can spot them by the way they take your order: “12-ounce or 16-ounce? Hot or iced? You want a flavor in it? What size? Is this hot? Did you want a flavor? Was this 12-ounce or 16-ounce? What was the drink again?”
3. The one who needs coffee themselves.
Unattended coffee drinks will be confiscated (and guzzled).
4. The one who falls in love with your baby.
5. The one who falls in love with your dog.
6. The one who wants to be your best friend.
Psst…it’s a trap. They just want you to volunteer.
7. The one who always wipes down tables in a circular motion, not up and down, and thus leaves faint circle smudges rather than up and down smudges.
YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
8. The one who has a fan club.
Who are you looking for? Oh, they start at 4:00. But I can get you a drink—oh, okay. See you at 4:00.
9. The one who tries to recruit everyone. See #6.
10. The one who is passionate about fighting human trafficking.
Just kidding. That’s all of us.